“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-6
Relationships can be tough…
It happened again. Somehow you said the wrong thing. Suddenly, there is tension lingering, thick enough to cut with a butter knife. You can’t figure it out, and you are afraid to ask for clarification. Why is my partner so angry?
You decide it’s best to sweep it under the carpet – again. Another night ruined. You recall past hurts; then feelings of sadness and disappointment arise.
Meanwhile, your significant other desperately needs someone to turn to, to share what’s weighing on their mind. Fearful of creating an argument, there is no attempt to connect. “You always take things personally.”
The disconnect creates barriers.
How well do you understand yourself? You bring everything from your past into the relationship. It was not acceptable to talk about feelings or fears in your household, so you never learned how.
At times you feel your partner is trying to control you. But have you articulated what you hope for, desire, and expect in a way your partner can understand? Is there a spirit of compromise?
Communication is fundamental.
We have needs and requirements within relationships, and it’s essential that these be shared. Some are relational – others are individual. When we create a greater understanding of what is important to one another, we increase our capacity to provide support and encouragement.
Communication is a skill, something we get better at over time. The key is how you go about sharing what is in your heart and mind. It requires vulnerability which is scary for most.
What will my partner think of me if they knew I felt this way?
Who wants to feel more hurt? Simply put, hurt is a part of life. Rarely do we purposefully intend to create pain. When we are filled with hurt, we hurt others. When we are filled with love, we love others.
Unresolved issues carry into the present and prevent us from experiencing joy and fulfillment. What are you doing to address them so that they don’t sabotage your relationship?
Couples counseling bridges our differences.
It helps us understand one another. You become more open to appreciating the perspective of “the other.” It’s not about figuring out who is right or wrong but exploring the conditions that create what’s best for the relationship.
Couples counseling allows you and your partner to express your concerns in a safe place, one where you will feel understood and validated. It addresses not only current problems or chronic relationship issues, but serves as a place to “check-in” with one another after the conflict is resolved.
You’ve decided it’s important to get on the same page.
You recognize that you are unable to identify the underlying core dynamics at work between one other. Your lives are being impacted by the degree of misunderstanding and conflict that is taking place. You are tired of feeling frustrated, distracted, and alone.
Experience more joy in your relationship.
We will make sense of everything that is going on. You will become equipped to recognize patterns you are drawn into and learn to engage with one another in new, more functional ways.
Call me at (732) 500-6394 to schedule our first appointment.